LordEmeric

I know I made an update seemingly ages ago now, and I wanted to give something more real.

I'm not really sure just how much more active I'll be on here for the future-- Maybe I'll see about getting in a concrete enough place to be comfortable with actually consistently doing commissions again. But I'm not here about that (yet).

Admittedly, it's been a really rough time adjusting here. Vaguely saying "mental struggles" in the previous update was putting it lightly. It's been a real challenge. Adult life has forced me to change as a person, and also has taken it's physical tolls. And emotional, and everything else. I'm not gonna get too much into details for the sake of privacy and as well to not force my issues on any of those that may read read this. Some things have improved, some things got a lot worse. Most important bit is that I'm alive and I'm at least feeling things I haven't in all of my numbing years. 

Moved again, within the same state, but it came with a lot of stress. Have a job at Starbucks that I've had for a couple months now that's been an absolute hellhole and quite honestly was treated horribly for the first few months I was hired on. Making the bills, new stressers. But stuck it out and now in the process of getting things scheduled so I can finally get my appointment for my hormone evaluation so I can finally go on T like I've been wanting to for all of these years. Steps forward, steps back. A lot of tears, a lot of pain, a lot of anger, a lot of huge scares. Too much to really keep up with much these days without physical exhaustion. Life has been hard. But some stuff has been rewarding, and a lot is slowly aligning bit by bit. It's just been absolutely agonizing and tasking.

As for commissions, I physically don't know when I'll be able to get to those, to be perfectly honest. I really hate to say it, but with all the time that's passed-- I'd be willing to refund commissions at this rate. I haven't tried to pixel in over a year now, and unfortunately I've been struggling with horrible carpal tunnel issues in *both* of my hands, and a drastic sensitivity to blue light. I haven't been able to stare at technology for long periods of time without getting migraines and eye soreness. I've been trying my best with blue light filters, but that only goes so far. I burnt myself out physically and mentally on so much, I'm really not sure what I'll get around to these days. I really want to get back into drawing digitally in general, but my work schedule has been the least bit flexible. Have plans on traveling back to my original homestate for my birthday, one thing after another. I guess this is what they call adulthood. LOL

I don't want to give time estimates on anything anymore, I kind of at this rate can only do things as they come. I apologize for keeping those I owe waiting for so long without a single word, I just had to disappear for a while to get life sorted out. To put it plainly, it's been a right shitshow and major changes heavily impacted everything, including my will to do anything for a long time there. Crippling to the point where I would do one doodle, and get guilt about everything I owe to people, as well as art resentment and no drive to even have room to improve all because I would get cold feet immediately.

Not sure how many of you are still around, but I've been wanting to post a little something for a while, I honestly was too afraid to figure out what to do with my commission situation. I'm in a place where I could afford to give back what I've been given. I could eventually get back to the commissions one day, but I don't have the faintest clue of when. All a matter of preference and patience at this rate.

Thank you for reading if you have.